50 funny Doctor and Patient
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Doctor and Patient
Falling in Love
After a long period of treatment and surgery:
Patient: I’ve fallen in love with you! You’ve stolen my heart.
Doctor: W-What? I didn’t steal your heart... I only took one kidney!
Why Are You Here About Your Ears?
Patient: Doctor, I can’t hear properly.
Doctor: Alright, have a seat. Repeat after me what I say.
Patient: Okay, doctor.
Doctor: Say “six.”
Patient: “Nine.”
Doctor: Looks like you’re hearing extra well! Why did you come here for
your ears?
Where Did You Apply the Ointment?
Patient: Doctor, I applied the pain relief ointment, but it’s not
working. The pain has only gotten worse.
Doctor: Where exactly did you apply the ointment?
Patient: Where you told me to.
Doctor: And where was that?
Patient: You said to apply it to the spot where I got hurt... so I put
it on the corner of the bed!
Empty the Stomach
After overindulging at a party, Khogen came home feeling unwell. Alarmed, his
wife rushed to get a doctor.
Doctor: He needs to vomit immediately to empty his stomach.
Khogen: Doctor, please, I beg you—don’t make me vomit! The top layer in
my stomach has fish, meat, three kinds of sweets, yogurt, and ice cream. If you
must, remove things from the bottom—there’s just sautéed greens, lentils, fried
snacks, and pumpkin curry there. No problem with those!
Tick-Tock in the Chest
A few days after surgery, the patient returns to the doctor.
Doctor: Oh, it’s you! How are you doing now? No issues, I hope?
Patient: No issues, but there’s something odd. When I breathe in and
out, there’s a tick-tock sound coming from my chest.
Doctor: Ah, so that’s where my expensive wristwatch went!
Medicine for Growing Nails
Patient: Doctor, I’m suffering from severe itching. Please give me some
medicine.
Doctor: Buy this medicine from the pharmacy.
Patient: Will it cure my itching?
Doctor: No, it’s to grow your nails faster—so you can scratch better!
Who Dares Call Me a Fool?
Patient: Doctor, if I wear this pair of glasses, will I be able to read
A, B, C, D?
Doctor: Yes, absolutely.
Patient: Then give them to me right now. Let’s see who dares call me a
fool anymore!
Time to Change Glasses
A patient visits an eye specialist.
Doctor: You need to change the power of your glasses.
Patient: How can you tell without even checking my eyes?
Doctor: You walked in through the window instead of the door!
Changed My Will Five Times
An elderly man visited the doctor due to hearing problems. The doctor provided
him with a hearing aid.
A month later, the man returned for a follow-up.
Doctor: How’s your hearing now?
Elderly Man: Perfectly clear!
Doctor: Your family must be thrilled.
Elderly Man: I haven’t told them yet. I just sit quietly and listen to
their conversations. So far, I’ve changed my will five times! 😂
Eye Drops
Doctor: Look at me the same way you glare at your husband when you’re
angry.
Woman: Why?
Doctor: So I can apply the eye drops properly.
Both Legs, Please!
Montu injured his leg while playing cricket, and his friends rushed him to the
hospital.
After examining him, the doctor said, "Your left ankle has a fracture.
I'll put it in a cast."
Montu: Doctor, please put a cast on both legs!
Doctor: Why both legs?
Montu: Sir, my exam results are coming out tomorrow. When my dad sees
them, he’s definitely going to break the other one!
Eyes First
Patient: Doctor, please save me!
Doctor: What’s the problem?
Patient: A big fishbone is stuck in my throat.
Doctor: That’s a large bone. Apply two drops of this medicine to your
eyes every morning and evening.
Patient: My problem is in my throat—why are you prescribing eye drops?
Doctor: Because anyone who eats a bone this big without seeing it needs
eye treatment first!
Can You Free Them?
Patient: Doctor, I need your help.
Doctor: Yes, what is it?
Patient: Can you help me quit drinking?
Doctor: I’m a doctor. I can try.
Patient: The police inspector has seized 25 bottles of my liquor. Can
you help me get them back, please?
Could’ve Died Following It
Doctor: Have you been following the prescription I gave you?
Patient: If I had, I’d be dead by now!
Doctor: What do you mean?
Patient: The prescription fell off the roof—I would’ve died trying to
follow it!
Come to the Pond
A young woman visited a dentist and asked:
Woman: Doctor, can you pull out teeth?
Dentist: Yes, I can.
Woman: Then you’ll have to come to my house. My grandmother needs her
tooth pulled.
Dentist: Alright, but I’ll charge double for a home visit.
Woman: No problem, let’s go.
The dentist accompanied her to her house and asked the grandmother:
Dentist: Which tooth needs to be pulled?
Grandmother: Please come with me to the pond.
At the pond, the grandmother said:
Grandmother: I dropped my dentures in the pond while bathing. Could you
fish them out for me?
How to Live Longer
Patient: Doctor, is there a way to live longer?
Doctor: Yes, get married.
Patient: Will that help me live longer?
Doctor: I can’t guarantee that, but I can assure you, you won’t want
to live long after marriage!
Buildings Everywhere
Patient: Doctor, I see a lot of buildings being constructed.
Doctor: That’s good news, isn’t it?
Patient: How is that good news?
Doctor: More buildings mean progress.
Patient: My condition is worsening.
Doctor: Why?
Patient: Because I’m not seeing buildings being constructed—I’m vomiting
blood!
Doctor: Oh, bleeding? You should’ve mentioned that first!
Swallowed a Key
A man brought his three-year-old son to the doctor.
Man: Doctor, my son swallowed a key. That’s why we’ve come to you.
Doctor: When did this happen?
Man: About ten days ago.
Doctor: Ten days ago? And you’re only bringing him now?
Man: Well, we had a duplicate key. But since last night, we can’t find
that one either.
A Fight Starter
A boxer with a broken nose and a split lip visited an eye doctor.
Doctor: I assume you’re involved in a dangerous sport?
Boxer: Yes, occasionally—when I pick fights with my wife!
A Blessing in Disguise
Patient: Doctor, I have a peculiar problem. When my wife talks, I can’t
hear her! Isn’t that strange?
Doctor: Why are you calling it a problem? This isn’t an illness—it’s a
blessing from above! Oh, if only I had that!
Burnt Both Ears
A woman visited a doctor.
Woman: Doctor, both my ears are burned!
Doctor: Hmm, I see that. How did it happen?
Woman: I was ironing my husband’s shirt when the phone rang. I
accidentally picked up the iron instead of the phone and pressed it to my ear.
Doctor: That explains one ear. How did the other one burn?
Woman: The same man called again!
I’m a Chicken
A man visited a psychiatrist.
Doctor: Tell me, what seems to be the problem?
Patient: Sir, I constantly feel like I’m a chicken.
Doctor: Really? Since when?
Patient: Since I was an egg, sir.
Climbing the Pipes
A man with a heart condition visited a doctor.
Patient: Doctor, my heart problem is getting worse. Please help me.
Doctor: Take these medicines, get plenty of rest, and avoid using
stairs. Come back in a month.
A month later, the patient returned.
Doctor: So, how are you feeling now?
Patient: Much better! I followed all your advice.
The doctor examined him and prescribed some more medicine.
Doctor: You’re doing great. Keep this up, and you’ll fully recover.
Patient: Can I use stairs now?
Doctor: Yes, no problem.
Patient: Thank you, Doctor! Climbing up and down the drainpipe for the
past month has been exhausting. My apartment is on the fifth floor, you see!
No More Shame
A wealthy woman went to see a psychiatrist.
Woman: Doctor, I have a terrible habit. I don’t lack anything in life,
yet I steal other people’s belongings whenever I get a chance. And I feel
deeply ashamed afterward.
Doctor: That’s a psychological disorder. I’ll prescribe some medication.
Take it regularly.
A month later, she returned.
Doctor: How’s the treatment going? Any improvement?
Woman: Tremendous improvement, Doctor!
Doctor: Really? How so?
Woman: I used to feel ashamed after stealing. Now I don’t feel ashamed
at all!
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